Evaluating Our Lives, Both in Retrospect and Now...What About the Future?

In an earlier posting the question was posed: Life's Lessons or What Have We Learned So Far?
Whether as a CEO, Senior Manager or entry level individual, we need to consider these issues.

The only way we grow as a person and in our contribution to society, is by evaluating what we have done in the past, what we are doing in the present and what we plan to do in the future. Especially, reflecting on what we want to be doing and contributing now and in the future is a critical life valuing process. Otherwise we wake up one day and life for the most part has passed us by.

Like in business, we need a plan, a life plan. This can be highly detailed or a "fly-over" view, but its is a critical process to be done periodically. Just like the pilots of aircraft, while the plane may be off-course 90+ % of the time, they ultimate land the winged monster. Likewise, by planning what we want to accomplish in life we may be off course most of the time, but if we have visualized and plotted the course, then we arrive close to where we want to.

Life coaches can help in this endeavor, or you can tackle it yourself. A proprietary methodology has been developed which I use with those that I help. It is not rocket science, but it is valuable as it forces a person to look at not only desires, wishes and ruminations, but also possible world events and economics that could positively and negatively affect these paths.

Recently, the article below became available and hence I am sharing it here. For some it might be morbid, but in reality, isn't the final breath we take, a bit late to change course or our plans?

I post it here with the link at the bottom of the article. Hopefully, you will find it helpful in evaluating one's life and purpose.

Top Five Regrets of the Dying

Posted on November 22, 2011 

Top Five Regrets of the Dying
By Bronnie Ware
For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.
People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learned never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.
When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honor at least some of your dreams along the way.

From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship.
Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends
Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier
This is a surprisingly common one.

Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice.
They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.
When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.
Original source – http://www.inspirationandchai.com/Regrets-of-the-Dying.html

Innovation in the 21st Century and Steve Jobs

Everyone has blogged and posted about Steve Jobs and his life these past few days, as well as highlight his contribution to everyday life through innovation and technology, so I won't be that much different except to possibly add some slightly different slants.

The most common phase it seems, is in describing what he did: "he knew what people wanted before they themselves knew it," or words to that effect. Another way to look at this, is that he recognized technology and components that existed, and was able to refine and redeploy technology in fulfillment of people's needs (expressed and unrealized). (More on this topic in future blog postings.)

After all, in more recent years, the music player pre-existed the iPod, smart phones existed and were in use for 20 years before the launch of the iPhone, and tablet PC's were marketed for many years before the iPad. But he added the pizzazz, as some call it the "sizzle" to the steak, the manifestation of dreams and a vision on how to use them more effectively. He was a master communicator and futurist.

When the Apple Computer was first introduced, we would ask questions in stores as to what could be done with it and how could it be used. These were questions that persisted for many years after that, especially as to why many would want their own personal computer for home use. Frankly, it didn't do much for improving our lives at home at that time because of the lack of programs.

In business, computers allowed the quick computations of complex items and spreadsheets that we had to use in planning and budgeting(as a simple example), so it helped to eliminate the drudgery of recalculating the numbers down and over, and especially if a manager wanted to change a single number or numbers to see the effect, or to "finalize" the budget. Of course, it never seemed to reach this final stage of setting something in stone. There was always one more tweak, or then there were monthly or bi-weekly forecasts against budget, or against re-forecast or the projection. You get the idea.

Jobs' reluctance to open up the source code so that more programs could be written to appeal to larger audiences and uses, restricted the growth of Apple products compared to the MS DOS/PC system, and it's acceptance and use in business. As a result, the Apple Computer never reached more than about 5% market share, it seems. (Presently the new OS systems has about 10% market share.) This caused the early departure of Steve Jobs from Apple, which is referred to in the Commencement speech he made in 2005 at Stanford. The link is below.

There is no question that he was a visionary, a change manager, and an extremely effective leader, because you can't grow businesses to the size he did in the period of time he did, multiple times, without being an excellent leader. We will probably see projects that he initiated over the next several years that are in the incubation phase right now. The question will be sustainability of the company over the long term. Only time will tell.

It is a great loss to American Business, in particular, and to those of us who use these products and appreciate what he has contributed to global societies and employment, as well as enjoyment. However, he realized that we all pass, and others will fill these voids.

The only question is how much larger a contribution could he have made had he been receptive to opening up the source codes and allowing greater access and development around the Apple products? We will never know, but it is a question that begs to be asked!

If you haven't watched the Commencement Address, you should. Just click on the link below.

Steve Jobs' 2005 Stanford Commencement Address June 12, 2005: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UF8uR6Z6KLc

15+ minutes in length ; "stay hungry, stay foolish"
Drawing from some of the most pivotal points in his life, Steve Jobs, chief executive officer and co-founder of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, urged graduates to pursue their dreams and see the opportunities in life's setbacks -- including death itself -- at the university's 114th Commencement on June 12, 2005.

No Charisma, No Funding - Harvard Business Review - Comments about Charisma

Given my earlier post on Leadership Charisma and the findings by Profiles International about Charisma being behavior based and hence trainable/learnable - this new research is encouraging because when Startups are looking for the right CEO, the "pool" of executives will be much larger. Below are two links and the summary of the article from Harvard's Business Review.

http://www.siliconvalleywatcher.com/mt/archives/2010/01/harvard_study_c.php

Wow. No Charisma, No Funding - Says Study In Harvard Business Review

Posted by Tom Foremski - January 21, 2010

Startups should put away their business plans and find a charismatic CEO if they want to raise funding. That seems to be the finding of a study reported in the Harvard Business Review:
Executives at a party, were fitted with devices that recorded 'social signals' such as their tone of voice, gesticuation, and proximity to others.

Five days later the same executives presented business plans to a panel of judges in a contest. Without reading or hearing the pitches, Pentland correctly forecast the winners, using only data collected at the party.

This study is one of several that found that it is possible to predict who will succeed in salary negotiations, and in other business activities. The researchers say they are monitoring 'honest signals." Professor Sandy Pentland says that 'honest signals' is a biological term.

They're the nonverbal cues that social species use to coordinate themselves--gestures, expressions, tone. Humans use many types of signals, but honest signals are unusual in that they cause changes in the receiver of the signal. . . If I'm happy, it almost literally rubs off on you.

He added:

The more successful people are more energetic. They talk more, but they also listen more. They spend more face-to-face time with others. . . It's not just what they project that makes them charismatic; it's what they elicit. The more of these energetic, positive people you put on a team, the better the team's performance.

Read the rest of this article here on Harvard Business Review:
Defend Your Research: We Can Measure the Power of Charisma - Harvard Business Review

Leadership Charisma and Engagment: Presentation given August 26, 2011

Leadership Charisma: Linking People, Strategy and Performance to Engagement and Training: "Revolutionary Research from Global Corporations" is a presentation I gave at the HR & Training Congress held in Ortigas, MetroManila, Philippines on August 25-26, 2011.

The material presented was based around recent research on Leadership and in particular Charisma that has been released by Profiles International in January 2011 and documented in the book Leadership Charisma, currently 115^th on Amazon’s Best Seller’s List.

 Leadership Charisma eBook at Amazon.com


This startling research can tie people, strategy and performance to heightened Workplace Engagement, resulting in increased: Retention, Sales, and Profitability. The key is that the research dispels the myth that Charisma is only innate. Charisma can be learned and is based on over 40,000 Leaders and 400,000 people who rated these leaders.

The presentation was broken into 4 sections: Engagement (what it means to an organization), Leadership (and it's importance to an organization), Leadership Charisma (the conclusion of the research from the book) and the results of the research which leads to Training/Learning that can be held within a company.


If interested in receiving a copy of the presentation, please contact me or leave a comment and I will be happy to send you what was presented or click on this Link to view some of the slides:
Presentation on Engagement and Leadership Charisma

Interpersonal skills, Adaptability, Team leadership and bottom-line results drive personal success

The attached article does a nice job of summarizing middle management and senior management required skills, and needs for personal success.

Adjusting to change, which each and every person, company and organization faces regularly, especially if they are looking to grow and remain dynamic in the ever changing economic climates within countries and even local regional economies, is a key component to organizational and personal success. The reference to Organizational Culture in the article, indirectly relates to Pre-Hire competencies before On-Boarding, and Competencies for a specific position, especially as it relates to "Job Fit and Company Fit." If assessments and succession planning tools and systems do not have the ability to identify competencies for good job fit, then filling positions and promotion, is mostly based on "gut instinct," some past performance criteria, and arbitrary factors,which are not necessarily the strongest ways to build a business in today's world.

As has been well documented in the past couple of decades, about 90% of a person's Thinking Style, Behaviors and Interests are hidden from immediate view and only become partially visible over time. Today's assessments can help to identify this "submerged/hidden" portion, subject of course to validation, making it much easier to identify competencies of success along with "Benchmarking/Job Pattern/Competency Models" for that position and thus people who are more likely to succeed in a given position. Why place a person in a situation with a high probability of failure because they may lack the correct interpersonal skills or adaptability that may be needed? Normally there are many other opportunities within an organization, regardless of size, where the person can thrive and contribute, but the right tools are needed to help HR, management and organizations to identify the right Job Fit or Job Match and to establish a good succession plan.

Leadership and Communication skills can also be identified through 360 Reviews and assessments, and should be used at least yearly if not more often. 360 Reviews properly done, can clearly target competencies and skills, while identifying developmental areas for individuals, as well as for organizations. These skills can be learned, hence training can be effective where and when needed.

All of this leads to bottom-line results; and, where proper KRA's are established, these results can be tracked to individual performance and personal success.
Wall Street Journal Article:
Interpersonal skills, Adaptability, Team Leadership and bottom-line results.